The Tale of GumDrop & Chip.

A long long time ago, in a galaxy far away.... Haha naw, I'm just messin’. But my story does start about 18 years ago in a kingdom not close to Fort Wayne. Once upon a time there lived a king and queen; they were the rulers of a beautiful kingdom called Ringpopula. It was a magical kingdom filled with oversized gummy bears & giant ringpops. Trees made of cotton candy & bushes made of peeps. It was an amazing land and the king and queen couldn't be happier. But even though they had all of this they still felt like something was missing. So they decided to have a child. They were blessed with a gorgeous baby girl, they named her Princess GumDrop. She's the cousin of Princess Lolli(ya know, the one from CandyLand). Anyway, they couldn't have been happier with their daughter and to celebrate they had a party filled with treats. But during the festivities, the evil grape gummy man made his presence known. Without warning he snatched up baby princess GumDrop and vanished into the fog...(dun dun duuuun).


(18 years later) The Princess had grown up in a candy cave just off the coast of Mint Mountain. There she stayed, locked away, not knowing her true purpose in life. The Evil Grape Gummy Man had her convinced her that she was his daughter and was not worthy of anything in the land. Sad and alone, she sat there in the cave on her 19th birthday, just knowing that there was something more she was supposed to be doing with her life. Little did she know she had a whole kingdom of her own.

Back in Ringpopula the King and Queen never stopped looking for their Princess. They searched for years and years but without and luck. They had just about lost hope when they got a knock on the door. Who could it be you wonder? Well it was none other than the con-man, Chocolate Chip. He was known throughout the land for breaking promises. He had come to make a deal with the King. He said that he would go and find the Princess for them, free of charge as long as they cleared his name of any wrong doings. Little did they know he had another trick up his sleeve. His real plan was to find the Princess, and ransom her for tons of Chocolate coins. *for shaaaame*


Back in the cave, the Princess was panning her escape. It was late a night, she was climbing out her window when suddenly she saw a strange figure in the shadows. Scared, thinking it was EGGM, she hid. But the figure kept creeping closer. Once she realized it wasn't the EGGM, she came out of hiding. Curious as to who had found her she shouted, who are you?! To which the Chocolate Chip replied, I am here to rescue you! Just send down your gummy rope and I'll help you down from the cave. A little unsure at first, the Princess just stood there. But after about five minutes of Chips smooth talking, she sent down her rope.


Finally out of the cave, for the first time in 18 years, the Princess took it all in. She couldn't believe her eyes! She's never seen such a beautiful place. Beyond excited that she had just been rescued, she tackled Chip in a hug. After that slightly awkward, but adorable moment, they set off! Curious as to why the Chip had rescued her, she started asking questions. But since he did not want her to know she was a Princess, for fear of that ruining his master plan, he lied. Blinded her by swooning her, Told her that he heard her singing and wanted to rescue the girl with the amazing voice. *LIAR!*


It would be a three day journey to the Kingdom but it wouldn't be easy. They had to go through the Gooy Goop Gump, Mud Slide Hill & Nasty Nougat Nation. Each horrible in their own way. (side note, I feel like this story is a mix between Princess Bride and Tangled. Haha). Day one of their journey brought them to Mud Slide Hill. Scared, because she had never seen such a thing, the Princess hid behind Chip. They slowing crept toward the Hill, unsure of what was in store. Climbing up the Hill, they started feeling like they were sinking. Looking down they realized that their feet were covered in goopy chocolate mud. (sorta like quick sand). Sinking faster and faster the Princess started to cry, and chip starting to scream like a girl. Until suddenly a gaint gummy worm came up from the mud, so they grab onto him. Within seconds they were pulled to safety. Tired from an extremely eventful day, GumDrop decided to make camp, around the campfire, she and Chip started talking, giggling and getting to know each other other. Unknowing, falling in love.

By the next morning they were ready to take on a new day. Any challenge that came there way, they were ready for it! So onward they went, hours and hours went by of just walking and talking, talking and walking. Chip was getting annoyed with GumDrop, GrumDrop was getting annoyed with Chip. So they would fight. Then say sorry, make up, laugh and then fight again. Like an old married couple. But before night fall they had made it to Nasty Nougat Nation. An entire nation filled with mean grumpy nougat men, women and children. They got the gate keep to allow them to come in, since there was no way around the nation, they had to go through it. Once inside they realized they were in a place of grump. No one was smiling, no one was joking. There were no bright colors everything was dull, brown, grey and puke green. There weren't any gummy flowers, peep bushes or cotton candy trees. This made GumDrop very sad. She knew she couldn't leave until she made the nougat people smile and enjoy the colorful world they could have.

In an effort to show the nougat people how amazing their world would be, if only let some happiness and color into it, she started singing. For the first two minutes or so, all the people just looked at her. Some started laughing, others were very confused. But then one little girl started to sing along. Then before you knew it, everyone had joined in. Everyone that is, except Chip. He did not partake in the musical activities. Until everyone started dancing and having fun(it was basically a scene from Aladdin or High school Musical. haha). Once the dancing had begun, Chip started to slowing walk away, but Gumdrop pulled him in and they dance together for hours. Laughing and dancing and singing. Once Gumdrop had shown everyone in Nougat Nation the happiness they had been missing, Chip started to see something in her that he had not noticed before. She had a special light about her, something the people were drawn to. Her personality was just sweet, warm and caring. He couldn't help but fall in love with her in that moment.

Now having feelings for Gumdrop, Chip is starting to feel bad about his master plan to ransom her. He knew that if he wanted to be with GumDrop forever he'd have to tell her the truth. But doing so might make her mad, and she might not want to be with him. That was a chance he was going to have to take. He planned to tell her everything. Who she really was, why he really rescued her who EGGM was. Which up until this point, they have totally forgotten about him. As they're on their way out of Nougat Nation, GumDrop hears someone calling her name. It was him! EGGM. He had found them. So Chip grabs GumDrops hand and they take off running. No idea where they're doing, just trying to escape EGGMs grasp. They finally lose him but come up to something even worse. Gooey Goopy Gump. A Gump of nothing goo, giant mean gummy bears and goop puddles. They hide under a candy mushroom but are soon spotted by a gummy bear. The gummy bear grabs GumDrop and takes her to a goop puddle. Holding her over the puddle, threatening to toss her in if Chip doesn't give the bear some of the ransom money for the princess. Shocked by what she is hearing, GumDrop uses all her strength to get away from the bear and chip. Hiding in a peep bush, crying, she realized who she is and that Chip had been lying to her. She was heartbroken. But deiced to she needed to make the rest of the journey on her own.

Alone and tired she was trucking on, through the marshmallow paths, twizzler vines and jaw breaker boulders. She just couldn't believe how nieve she was in thinking that Chip was being truthful. She feels stupid for ever trusting him. Now that she knows who she is, she knows she needs to find her Kingdom and get back to her parents. But who could help her? She had no idea where she was. Alone the way she meets a sour patch kid named Harrold. At first he was a little standoff-ish, because you know, first they're sour..then they're sweet. But after about an hour of talking, they became friends. She asked if he knew the way to the Kingdom and he did. So they set off together. She's still a little bit unsure about who to trust, but she really had to choice, she'd have to trust her new friend. The only worry now that that EGGM would find them alone the way, so they kept their eyes peeled.


There good luck was too good to be true, soon enough EGM caught up with them. Chasing them down with a twizzler rope, he bound both of them and put them in a mallomar cave. They tried to fight their way out and when that didn't work they tried to talk their way out. Nothing worked, the EGGM wouldn't budge. He was just too evil. They have given up hope of ever making it to the Kingdom and GumDrop was sure she'd never see her parents again. But then, of nowhere she sees a strange figure. This seems all too familiar to her, she knows who it is. Chip! He came back to save her. Realizing that his love for her is greater than any amount of money, he had to save. He didn't know if it would win her back, but he didn't care. He just wanted to her to be happy and see her parents again. Seeing her happy, but make him happy. So he gets EGGM, ties him up(it was more exciting in person than it sounds). They are finally free! No more goo gumps, grumps or Chocolate puddles and definitely no more EGGM. And then GumDrop sees it, the Kingdom. On a hill about 20miles away. They were so close!

Finally they make it to the front gate. Scared about seeing her parents for the first time in 18 years, GumDrop just stands there. But finally musters up the courage to go in. She walks into the castle, seeing her mom there for the first time, looking beautiful. She runs up to hug her, crying. Then her Dad comes around the corner. There they all are in a big group hug. GrumDrop had completely forgotten that Chip was still standing at the doorway until her parents asked where she was and how she had escaped. She told them everything that had happened with Chip, the gumps, the bears and everything. Unsure what their reaction would be, the King walked over to Chip, raised his arms and gave him a hug, thanking him for not going against his word, rescuing the Princess and bringing her back. Chip then walked over to GumDrop, confessed his love for her and promised never to lie or leave her again!

They lived happily ever after<3

Love.

[Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, I just needed to vent]
I’ve never said “I love you”, in a romantic sense, to anyone. Not because I can’t or don’t want to. That is certainly not it at all. It’s just that to me, those three little words carry such weight, they are so impactful, and people these days don’t seem to remember that. They just toss these words out to anyone they maybe “dating” or “talking to”. They don’t understand the true meaning of those words.
There is a difference between “being in love” & “love someone” that I feel is much too often misunderstood. But they go hand-in-hand. When you ‘fall in love’ that is an emotion, emotions fade. Like any other emotion, they usually only last a little while. It’s that beginning of a relationship stage, the butterflies and fireworks. But then when that all starts to fade(and it could take years) - but when it does happen, people say Oh, well we just fell out of love. No, that is not what happened, you just thought that the emotion of ‘being in love’ would last forever. You didn’t realize that love is a choice.
When you say “I love you” to someone, you’re not just saying that you have extremely strong feelings for that person, you’re saying that even when the ‘butterflies’ and ‘fireworks’ aren’t there anymore, you’re going to love them anyway, you’re going to be there for them no matter what. Even when they annoy you, even when they make you angry beyond belief. You made them that promise.
To “love” someone is a choice. You choose to love someone no matter what. Yes, you’re going to get mad, have fights, be suuuper annoyed. Even when they might not look as good, even after 50 years. EVEN when it seems like you know each other ‘to well’ or ‘are bored’. You still choose to love that person because you know that everyone has faults, even you. And since you’re not perfect, and that person is choosing to love you, then why wouldn’t you choose to do the same for them?
These two go hand-in-hand because you do have to have the emotion of love, the butterflies and such. That’s called attraction. But after that all fades, then there’s the choice, the choice that you have to make to love that person unconditionally and without expecting anything in return.
This is why love is not something I take lightly. Because when I do give my heart away, I want it to be with someone who wants to choose me. Someone who isn’t going to hesitate, or have to think about it. Someone who knows right away, that I am the one they are meant to be with, even though I’m not perfect. And when I do find that guy, I’m going to give him my whole heart and absolutely nothing less, because I have so much to give and I can’t wait to share my love with that person.<3

SNOWPOCALYPSE 2011

Haha okay I'm jumping on this bandwagon. Twitter is BLOWING UP about the "snowpocalypse" that is starting tonight. I just keep laughing at what people are saying, it's so funny. But in preparation of this storm I went to the store and got my supplies, a bag of mints, a bag of sunflower seeds, air heads, powerade, snapple and ringpops. Then I went to the library and got some new reading material. Pretty much everything I could possibly need over the next couple of days. Now I'm about to take a shower (just in case the pipes freeze or whatever and I wouldn't be able to tomorrow), then I have big plans to make my bed super cozy, get my snacks, books, laptop, movies and socks. Curl up and do absolutely nothing productive all night, sleep in tomorrow and stay warm. After I finish blogging, of course. What a lovely plan, I think.

I need to run through my thoughts:

February is going to go so slow, I can just feel it.

March is going to be busy. But not just busy, nerve racking. I'm going to be anxious until the interview is over and done with. I'm hoping it ends with good news, but I'm trying to not to get my hopes up to awfully high. I'm just praying that it does good!

April, May, and part of June, assuming the interview goes good, are going to be the longest months ever! But in very same way, they're going to go by way way to fast. They're also going to be hard months, but well worth it. Gah, okay I've got to stop thinking about these months or I'm gonna start crying now. Tears of happiness and tears of sadness. But not now!

But every month after that will be the beginning of my adventure, and I can't wait!!

It's so amazing to me how things just fall into place, even if it doesn't turn out how I'm hoping it does, I can tell that something is happening-something amazing, and I will embrace whatever it turns out to be. I just love looking back and seeing things that didn't happen, that I thought should've. But if they had then I wouldn't be where I am now-which is better than where I would've been had what I wanted to happen, happened. Haha if that makes any sense. God is just so good, he sees things that I just don't. And even though he shows me that time and time again, I sometimes still tend to forget, but I always seem to come to that realization again. It's just nice to be reminded of that fact, it makes me feel...comfortable. More comfortable than I have in a long time, I've never made such a big decision that felt so, right. Even if I don't end up going where I think I'm going, I still feel like it's the right decision because either way I feel it's going to lead me to the place I need to be. Where ever that may be.

I just can't wait for the next phase of my life to begin! I'm just so excited to see what all happens over the next few months. It's going to be quite the journey, but one that I'm anxious to take. ...phew. I guess with every big snow storm comes a big blog. haha Who would'a thunk it.

The sun is calling me to the west...

Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, sorry. I just had to get that out of my system. *Breath, Kirstin*

I'm just so excited about life right now! But I don't want to jinx it by talking about it too soon, or too much. But I just can't help myself, so I will try and keep this short. haha

The past couple of months have been an intense roller coaster for me, when it comes to where my life is going. So many questions about life, What do I go to college for? Where do I go to college? Do I even want to go to college? All of these questions have slowly but surely been answering themselves, one by one. (With prayer, of course).

I've finally figured out what I honestly and surely want to do with my life. I've never felt so confident about a decision in my entire life. I'm going to become a make-up artist! There are colleges all over the country that I'm looking into, but there is one that is sticking out. (I'd tell you which one, but I'm gonna wait until it's for sure that I'm going to apply there). Just know that I've never been more excited and confident about something in my entire life! And everything that led up to this decision just adds to my confidence that this is what I'm supposed to do. I also really believe that this is a God thing. I've been praying for guidance and clarity for months and I feel like the fog is clearing and I'm starting to see the answers. Again, I'm SO excited!!


I'm so motivated right now, I just want to get the ball rolling and start this process! Not only do I feel good about this decision, but the people in my life whose opinions matter the most to me, also feel good about it! That just makes me even more confident, and sure that this is the direction I'm supposed to go in. But we'll just have to wait and see what happens, I guess. But don't worry, I'll keep you up to date. :)

Today has not been good. But tomorrow is a new day.(said in the voice of a super hero, i don't know why) It is also Saturday! Which means, sleeeep. haha I'm so lame. But it's whatever. I'm sick-ish. So I've been laying in bed all day, watching The Big Bang Theory(suuuper hilarious show). I did however get out for a bit to go to the bank and then get the oil changed in my car-and I went there all by myself. I felt like such a grown up. haha! But anywhay.... I think I'm gonna trot on over to the local Wal-Mart and see what that has in store for me! :)

Well...I've been happier.

I hate how I can be really happy and in a good mood...then BAM, I see or hear something that makes me just..blah. It shouldn't work like that-people shouldn't be able to just bring me down and put me in a mood so easily. So why do I let it happen? I don't know. I'm working on not letting other people effect me so much, and I think I'm getting better at it. Tonight just isn't good. But tomorrow is a new day! With new people, new ideas and new beginnings. Sometimes though, I wish I could just curl up in my bed and hide for days. Not talk to anyone, not see anyone or even think about anyone. But only sometimes! I like the life I live and the people it in. ...well, most of the people-haha. I'm usually pretty happy, I like to smile and make people smile. But you can't make other people smile when you yourself aren't smiling and happy...I don't like feeling like this.

I MEAN, It's 2011 & I am now 18.

All of these are things I enjoy...

That I say "I mean" completely inappropriately before sentences, because of Heather. Singing songs from musicals. Unicorns and narwhals. Cleaning when I'm stressed. The smell of books and magazines. The show Dexter. Tye dye shirts. My "Wreck This Journal". When Casey & Camden call me "Sissy" and never Kirstin. Long talks with friends. Going to Church & singing. Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino from Starbucks. Shopping for clothes alone. Smiling at strangers. Trying new food. Driving aimlessly at night. My mom's hugs. Eating sunflower seeds. Singing at the top of my lungs and dancing around all goofy with friends. Having a bunch of random pillows and stuffed animals on my bed. Painting my nails. Doing other people's hair and make-up. Dancing around my house when I'm home alone. Spending time with Cooper. When I see people picking their nose while driving. Shopping at the GoodWill. People watching at Cedar Point. Peacock feathers. Chicago. Sweat pants. Sitting in Gail's room, watching random movies and laughing about nothing. Crayons. Flowers. Twitter. Reading other blogs. Searching Flickr for cool and artsy pictures. Laughing so hard it hurts, and even sometimes crying. Listening to the songs my best friend wrote. Making new friends. Sleeping all day, especially when it's raining. Hats with poms on the top. Bowling, even though I suck at it. Fanny Packs and wearing them in public. Bruno Mars. Quoting Gilmore Girls in everyday conversations. Playing silent football, but only when Nathan is the game master. Finding jeans that fit perfectly. Rave hairspray. Facebook stalking. Saving all my Birthday and Christmas cards. Collecting my movie ticket stubs. Being cold. Those amazing sports bras that Bekka showed me that I can only find at Target. Making lists. Changing my hair with the seasons. Thunder storms and snow storms. Purses. Watching people while they watch a movie for the first time. Cleaning out not only my car, but other people's as well. Praying. Rapping to my rap songs. Thinking about what I would do if I had my own planet. Learning new things. Spring cleaning. Xaaanaduuuu. My Aunt Lee Ann's cheese ball and dirt pudding. Having friends I can trust & count on. Being a friend that someone can trust & count on. Making people smile.

All of these are things I do not enjoy...

Wearing the color yellow. Most Will Ferrell movies. Knives. Drinking milk. Most Radio DJ's(not Chris Cruise, of course). Being stressed. Not knowing. Having nightmares. The song "Pants on the Ground". Poking my eye with my eyeliner. Waking up early. When my feet smell. Small sunglasses. Touching Grass. Taylor Swift. Indianapolis. Being hot. Having bad hair days. Being alone.

Ah, today was excellent. It's been awhile since I've had such a fun day, and been in such a great mood. Even though the day is over-because it is 3something AM. Haha. I'm beyond exhausted and I have basically the worst headache I've ever had, but nevertheless I am still happy. Today was just good. :)

I finished a project I was working on for awhile, and I'm quite happy with the result. And I've just been given another project that I can't wait to tackle-we'll see if this one turns out as good as the last one. Maybe it will even be better? Who knows!

Tomorrow is new years eve, 2010 is coming to an end, and while I can't say that I'm entirely sad to see it go, it is a little bit bitter-sweet. There were some really great times this past year, and some completely awful times-just like every other year, I guess. But I don't know, I can't quite put my finger on it, for some reason I feel like 2011 is just going to be my year! I have a new outlook on life, so many different doors I could open, if I so choose, or I could leave them shut and go a completely different route-maybe open a window? (haha) I don't know, I guess what I mean is that my life is wide open, sometimes that scares me-a lot, but even more than that-it excites me.

And now-to share with you my good mood, I will show you some pictures that make me smile&laugh. Hahaha I don't know why these make me so happy-they just do. :)

Let me just start off by saying, I am so happy. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, by my choice-and I couldn't be happier and more confident about my decision. Big things are happening in my life-yes, they may not be the "traditional" things that most people would expect, but come on, who am I kidding, I'm not a traditional person, at all! ..I like to surprise people, keep them guessing. People are going to judge me, going to think that I'm not doing anything with my life, that I'm wasting time and I don't know what I'm doing. But you know what-who are they to tell me I'm wrong?! If I'm happy, isn't that all that matters? I'm more than determined to not become one of those people that looks back on their life and wish they had actually lived, done what they loved-even if that meant not doing what was "normal" or "socially acceptable". From now on, I am going to embrace my life-live it to the fullest. Not care what people think. It's MY LIFE for goodness sake!! If I'm not happy living my own life, then what's the point?! I'm not here to please others...I would never be able to make everyone happy-So I'm not going to try-it's not their life I'm living...it's mine. Right now, no one can rain on my parade because I'm just so excited! Excited to live! I don't want to wake up 15 years from now hating where I am in life, but hating it most because I let myself get there. No, that will not be me! I won't let it. So let them judge, turn up their noses at me-I don't care! I love the life I'm living and no one can change that. I'm happy.

"I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
a whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins"

I found this song, 'Today My Life Begins' by Bruno Mars.

It's pretty much perfect.

I cry every time I listen to it,

because it just makes me so happy.

I could listen to it a hundred times and never get tired of it.

I think the reason I love the lyrics most is

because it can mean something completely

different to every single person.

Take a listen & enjoy.

:)

READ AND LEARN.

I love my pale, not orange skin! :)

Juuuuust sayin.

This^^ post secret kinda sums it up for me.

It is freaky how I'm feeling a certain way, but can't seem to find

the words to express myself,

then I stumble upon

the perfect

^^^post secrets.^^^

And it's like BAM!

That's how I'm feeling.

^^Just a fact about myself that I thought I'd share^^

The picture above could not be more accurate to how I am feeling. I only have a little over 3 weeks left to finish my portfolio and I am having the hardest time, ever. Inspiration is something that I am severely lacking, and that is not good when you're told that it all must be original thought. Don't get me wrong, I agree that my portfolio should be original, but that is way easier said than done! Why couldn't it be due in February? That would be way less stressful. I have so much crap going on right now-painting isn't the first thing on my mind.

I didn't sleep at all last night, I had the two WORST dreams, ever. And what makes it even worse is that I can remember both of them very clearly. Both included my two biggest fears and worries in life-which doesn't surprise me because they say that dreams are just your subcutaneous telling you stuff. They felt so real, it makes me not want to go to sleep tonight. Probably why I'm blogging instead. I should maybe do something productive, like write my stupid six page paper about the American flag for my English final. But I don't really feel like doing that, this is more fun.

I have just so much on my mind all the time-it never seems to end. My portfolio, money(or complete lack of) freakin ACT's, English class, not becoming Rory-because I know I'm stronger than that!, trying to figure out where the heck I am with God, family, holidays, portfolio, I am going to start working out soon-maybe. And so much other random crap here and there! Gah!

I just want to live! I want to seriously pack a bag and just go live, dance through the streets of an unknown town, eat food that I've never eaten, meet people I never thought I'd meet, have fun, fall in love, be carefree and adventurous, and just be happy. Maybe college isn't for me. Maybe this burning desire I have to just roam around the world, aimlessly(for a little while at least) is actually what I'm meant to do? I'm just guessing-I mean it's probably not. But what IF?!

This is my apology blog...

...I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I've not been the greatest friend lately. I'm sorry that I can't seem to figure out how to handle this. I'm sorry that I really and truly don't even know what "this" is. I'm sorry that I say things and then do the opposite. I'm really working hard to change that about myself. I'm sorry that I'm not myself right now. I'm sorry that I know I'm not myself and I'm sorry that I don't know how to change it. I'm sorry that It's getting harder and harder for me to share my feelings and be open about anything. I'm sorry that I keep thinking about the past and letting it decide my future. I'm sorry that I have so much to be sorry about.

I know I have a good life, no, actually, I have a great life. And for that I am so grateful. So what's wrong with me you ask? To be honest I'm not sure. But don't worry...I'll let you know when I figure it out. Until then...try and put up with me. If you can't, I'll understand. Just know that I love my best friends and family to death. And I don't just say that lightly-I would do anything for each and every one of you... and I want you to know that I may not be myself at the moment..but I'm a strong girl, and I'm overcome harder times. This isn't any different... just be patient with me. Without you guys I wouldn't have the great life that I do, and I thank God for all of you every single day.

I love you.

I will not become Rory! I won't let that happen. But yet, here I am...

Ugh.

---I got some super cute gloves at the Target.

I'm very happy about it.

Now all I need is a new coat and a scarf. And maybe some cute boots.

Hhmm..Hot Rod, yeah..I'm totes watching that later.

That'll cheer me up.

Blah.

I think something is wrong with me, I've had the worst appetite lately.

Like for real, I don't feel like eating anything.

I try-but then I just feel sick.

I'm just not hungry and nothing sounds good.

NOT EVEN CANDY :O

I think I'll go to bed.

As I sit here in my English class and pretend to write this paper-I've come to realize that about 40% of me has another dream, a dream to just drop everything after I graduate, pack a bag and take a train somewhere. Leave my cell phone behind. Make money selling paintings on the road, sleep in hostels, live cheap. Travel the world, take a camera and just live. Live without worrying about tomorrow, no stress, just loving the world around me. Explore new cultures and meet new people. That is my 40% dream, someday I hope to fulfill that dream. Maybe I'll even find someone else that has the same dream and wants to go with me. But all I keep asking myself is ..What am I waiting for? Honestly, what?

PostSecret....basically describes my life on a daily basis. This one in particular, because its true, in a myriad of different ways. Today I felt more alone then I have in a very long time, it hit me like a ton of bricks while awkwardly standing in a room full of people listening to a bands that I've never heard of. (one guy was actually good, I bought his cd. That's beside the point)..I felt like I was in a fog, I blocked everyone out, all the noise and just sat there. Alone and thinking...for me that is not good. I try and keep myself busy all the time to distract me from things that I don't want to think about, but sometimes I just can't help it. I'm so ...blah... not my bubbly, funny, sweet self....just kinda ...blah. I know I will snap out of it soon, so I'm not worried. Just annoyed, tired and lonely. Please don't take this as a "feel sorry for me" post, because that is far from what is it. It's just me, expressing(or trying to express) what is going with me each day(or week, or month).

Okay, now that I've successfully blogged 3 times, looked through tons of postsecrets, facebook stalked, watched a show about zombies, read failbook & lamebook, and google earthed my own house, I think it's time I try and sleep.

Goognight, all.

I have until January 4th to get this done.

I can do, I have to do it!

I believe in myself...

and that's all that matters.

California!

Well, California was basically amazing. It was so great to finally be able to see my best friend again. I know it had only been a little over five weeks..but that is just tooooo long to go without seeing your bestie. haha. ...Every in LA is soooo different than anything in good ol' Fort Wayne. The people, the buildings, the food, the roads and just..everything! It was a lot to take it at first, but after the shock kind of faded, it was really cool! Very interesting, it definitely keeps you on your toes. But all in all, I liked it!

Pinks has amazing fries and cheese dip, diddy riese was so yummy, going to a movie and sitting next to a drugie gets you free movie tickets. Catfish was a great movie, even better because it was free. Some moments consisted of writing/recording raps and watching The Office, Hey Arnold and a bunch of random thriller movies. Santa Monica Beach was absolutely gorgeous! Probably one of my favorite things we did while I was there was go to that beach. The weather was perfect, I was having a good hair day and we had two cameras. It was just a good day! We also found SARKU JAPAN..in the most amazing mall I've seriously ever been in. It was half inside, half outside. I don't know how else to explain it, but I still want to know what they do when it rains! haha.

Walking on Hollywood Blvd. was super cool! It's like a whole different world over there, I felt kind of out of place..but it's all good. I had such a great week, I wish I could go back now!

Phoenix

So, here I sit, alone in the Phoenix airport. Everyone seems to know what they're doing, where they're going and such...and I'm just waiting for the board to tell me what gate I need to go to. I'm just sitting here aimlessly watching all the people pass by. The flight to Phoenix was pretty cool, I didn't have to sit by any annoying people. Phew! Just a mother and her son(he was pretty attractive. we listened to my pod. haha) so that made the 3 hour flight pretty nice. Taking off was a wee bit scary, but not to bad. I'm beyond tired though, been up since 2:30am. I'm just ready to be in California with my best fraaand! Whelp. I'mma go explore and see if I can find out what gate I need to be at. Bye!

I'm very organized...

Things To Do:

(B4 I leave)

1. Clean out car.
2. English crap.
3. Text dad.
4. Buy earrings.
5. Nails.
6. Pack.
7. Make bed.
8. Charge camera.
9. Clean out purse.
10. Buy a backpack.

Things To Pack:

1. Shirts(11)
2. Pants(6)
3. Shorts(4)
4. Shoes(2-3)
5. Socks
6. Bras(4)
7. underwear
8. Jackets(2)
9. PJ's
10. Phone Charger
11. iPod
12. Books(2)
13. Meds
14. Toothbrush
15. Blow dryer
16. Straightener
17. Face wash
18. Make-up remover
19. Make-up
20. Small pillow
21. Camera
22. Movies?
23. English crap(leave in car at dads.)
24. Hair brush
25. Sunscreen
26. Costume
27. Don't forget: Tickets, Money, Wallet and Phone!

Things To Buy In California:

1. Conditioner
2. Shampoo
3. Razors (disposable)
4. Food

Mr. Tattoos

There is something I love and hate about libraries. I'm sitting at a table that is semi hidden in a corner, kind of hoping to be alone. I've been here for 2 hours now and I still have yet to write the paper I came here to write. You'd think, out of all the places in the world, a library would be the best for me to concentrate. Nope, not the case. So here I sit. Blogging.

And out of all the empty tables here in this giant library, this guy(we shall call him...Mr.Tattoos) chooses to sit at my table, right across from me. Great. Every time I start typing he looks up. I'm trying very hard not to make any eye contact this this guy. I'm not in the mood. But here he sits, reading his funny looking books and taking notes. He has very small hand writing....hmm. Now I feel like a creeper. I'm never going to finish this paper. GAH! My head hurts. I'll pay someone to write this paper for me. I have SO much I need to get done this week, but it will all be worth it once I'm in California!! Stress this week, relax next week! :)

...............Oh goodness, Mr.Tattoos is trying to talk to me. This is ridiculous.

Waking up...

...to people yelling down stairs is the best thing, by far! I hate it and don't liking having to deal with it, so how could I ever expect someone else to want too as well.

I want a little cottage, in the middle of nowhere, with tons of pretty trees and flowers all around it. I want the door ways to be arched and the windows to be round. I want the outside color to be grey-blue with some brandywine colored bricks. I want to paint one bathroom yellow and have dark maple wood cabinets in the kitchen.

70% Honey Badger. 30% Turtle.

"So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by"

Everyday I become more & more private.

Strange for me, I know.

((I don't expect anyone to understand any of this))

With ^^that^^ being said...

we can move on.

I'm trying very hard to not let any of this steal my smile away.

I like my smile, I need my smile.

I am a

Honey Badger.

Despite its small size, it is the "most fearless animal in the world."

{according to the 2002 Genius Book of World Records}

I am fearless.

I am the brave little Kirstin

(yes, just like toaster)

I always have been.

That's just me.

But there are times however, when I do turn into a

scared little turtle.

A turtle who loves her shell.

It's quiet, it's her hiding spot, it's her home.

But right now, I'm feeling like a turtle without a shell.

I'm nervous & anxious.

And I just want my freakin' shell back.

So yeah, basically I'm a

Honey-Turtle-Badger.

Cute.

What an interesting mix.

......Oh, you know.

WARNING. What you are about to read is Kirstin's free-writing. It's just whatever pops into her head. So most of it won't make any sense.

GO.

This week is going by way to fast. My best friend leaves for California Saturday morning at the butt crack of dawn. :'( But I'm really trying very hard not to think about that right now. I still have two more days! It's such a bitter sweet thing, ya know? On one hand I'm soooo happy that he is able to follow his dream and be where I truly believe he needs to be at this point in his life. And the fact that he is able to do this makes me smile. But on the other hand I'm just sad. He won't be here for the late night walmart runs or talk and tuck. But that is what skype is for! All I can say is Saturday is going to be one heck of a hard day for me. Goodbyes SUUUCK.

I can not stand some people sometimes. Gah!
People who one day are normal, or as normal as they can be, and the next they go completely psycho! Then ruin a great friendship and make people feel like crap.

I've been figuring a lot of things out that I didn't really know about myself. Like I keep a lot of things (potentially good things) from happening in my life because I'm scared. Scared of change, scared that I will get hurt. I'm just one big chicken. I know the reasons why I'm scared and when I think about it enough...I feel stupid for being such a chicken. But I still can't help myself. I'm scared about a lot of things.
List. (oh how I love my lists)
Relationships. (Arms length at all times.)
Friendships. (Goodbyes = badbyes) (but happy tears will also fall- they're following their dream. That's amazing and I'm completely happy)
Family. (Blood is not always thicker than water)
Dreams. (Showing them is like showing someone my diary. It just doesn't happen very often)

And yes...I know very well that most people also have trouble with at least one of the things I listed. And yes I know they're cliche. Which is why I don't feel like going into detail about each and everyone of them at the moment. I'll just let you think what you want.

I feel myself getting deeper and deeper inside my own head. Not good. I'm a thinker and when I think to much about something..I become nervous, anxious and just not myself. I need to break this habit. I go over every word, every detail and dissect it all until there is nothing left but a head full of mumble jumble and a heart full of worry and stress.
I wish I could just always express myself through post secret posts. Even though they are written by other people, I believe that some of them are truly meant for me. (Heather, I know you'll agree)

I'm done for now.

Sink or Swim...

I'm diving in. I'm gonna fallow my gut, and if I fail.... well then I'm gonna fail with style. At least I know I didn't give up. I AM going to be happy with the drawings I draw and the paintings I paint. I AM going to get into the college I love and I will succeed. Watch me. I've never been one to give up and and I'm not about to start now. Today just showed me that if I'm not bold and just jump in this head first then I just need to quit. And there was no way I was about to quit, so in head first I go. Today I also learned that I'm not going to care what people think. If they like it or not, if they get it or not. It doesn't matter... what matters is if I like it. If I keep trying to please everyone else around me I am never going to be happy with what I do. Of course I would hope that my stuff won't be hated, but if it is...then it is. Haha. Right now I just wanna draw until my fingers bleed...which it what imma do after this. I can't wait until the zoo season is over because that will free up so much of my time and make it easier for me so I'm not always so tired. Hmmmm....
(By the by, I feel as though you all should know that at this exact moment I am listening to N*sync. Just fyi. Haha)
I should really be in bed right now.
Don't let me forget, I promised Karina that I would put music on her iPod tomorrow after I get home from work and If I forget she will kill me. You know how the Russians do. ;) Lol
I took the kiddies to the zoo on Tuesday! That was so fun. Chunkers was such a hoot. She looooved the lion. The boys loved the lemurs and Karina loved the monkeys. I prefer the butterflies and the cute birdies. OH and the turtles..haha they crack me up..such a cute old couple. They're totes adorb. Do turtles mate for life? (goes to google...be back in a second...) According to Wiki..they do not. Oh well.
One thing that I've learned in the past few weeks is that the unknown truly scares me. I don't like doing anything unless I know the end result. I think I feel this way because of my past life experiences and such..but it's really something I need to learn to let go of. I can't live like that. I don't take chances, I hardly ever just live life in the moment..I always have to know what will happen next, and plan accordingly. I'm getting better though. I need to do less thinking..I mean, that's really what it is. I get into my own head, think waaay to much and psych myself out. Not good!

Okay so I'm pretty sure that 78% of this post made absolutely no sense, but whatever.
Blaah... another list...here we go..
I need to:

• Get a hair cut. SOON.
• Clean my hamsters cage.
• Put songs on Karina's pod.
• Get notebooks, folders, pens and pencils for school.
• Work on Alexander's going away present.
• Look into plane tickets for Cali.
• Get some new pants.
• Clean out my car...again.
• Make plans with few friends that I haven't seen in awhile.
  
• aaaaaaaaand sleeeeep.
  

OHkay..well I think I'm done for tonight. More to come, as always. :)

-Kirsitn

Can I please start off by saying...

.it is 1:00 something in the morning and I have the most amazing hair right now and no one is here to witness it. Gah! Haha..

Anywhay...

Okay I'm very sorry for the looooong gaps in between my posts. I really need to keep up with this..and once summer is over, I'm sure I will be able to. So for now I will do a recap of the past weeks...

JULY:
Uuugh. What a horrible month! I really couldn't even tell you what happened day by day, because it all got smooshed together in my head and is now just one big giant horrible day. Stupid July. I don't even know how to explain why it was so bad. Lots of bad moods, lots of fights, not much fun. :( I did so much worrying and stressing over little things that I really should have just put in God's hands and let him help me...but of course, me being my hard headed self, I couldn't and I paid for it. But I'm working on that! And I'm getting better at trusting God with my life more and more. :) Glad I'm out of my July funk! So, I'm thinking I just need to forget that month and move on..
AUGUST:
I can not believe August is half way over! It's crazy how fast time is flying by. This month has been great so far, and I don't see it getting bad anytime soon! I've been hard-core working on my portfolio and I'm feeling better about it everyday. I'm still not completely confident..but who is? August also means CEDAR POINT in a few days!! :D yay!! I can not wait! It is gonna be so much fun! There is also going to be a great garage sale at the Hinsky's that will be fabulous and super fun. I'm in the process of saving for a California trip to visit Alexander in December and so that is something I'm really looking forward to! So that is August in a nutshell.
SEPTEMBER:
The month that by best friend in the entire world moves to Cali. The saddest/happiest month ever. Sad because he is truly by best friend and I don't know what I'm going to do when he is gone. Happy because this is an INCREDIBLE opportunity for him and I am extremely happy for him!!! It's quite a mix of emotions, ones that I'm really trying to think to much about, otherwise I get upset. So moving on...

A few things on my mind this very moment:

• I'm looking for a new church. (this subject deserves it own entire post so I won't really get into that one now, later, I promise)

• I've been thinking about my dad a lot the past few days and...eh, I don't know. There is this song that explains exactly how I'm feeling. "Broken Angel". It's currently my favorite song! Take a listen.

• It's WAY to soon to tell, but I think, maybe just maybe......... I don't know. We shall have to wait and see :)

• I am very happy at the moment, this month has really been good and things are good. I'm gaining a closer relationship with God everyday, and I have no doubt that is doing a great deal to make me feel a better!

Okay well I neeeed to sleep. I have such a busy week ahead of me(but a good one!)
Have a good night, whoever may be reading. :)

-Kirstin

Chicago Trip! :D

AH! So Thursday my mom and I took a trip to Chicago to see the school I could potentially go to. SAIC (School of the Art Institute of Chicago). OH MY GOODNESS. This school was incredible. I've never been so excited about something school related like I am about this!! My mom and I took a tour of the main building(there are 7 buildings total) because that is where most of the fine arts classes are. GAH!! I fell madly in love with this place the second I walked in the door. And it just felt...right. Like I was supposed to be there. I didn't think I would ever find a place that I would absolutely LOVE but I did. The ONLY thing stopping me from going would be money. I just pray that it will all work out!! That's all I can do. But seriously this school is just awesome. It's right in the center of down town Chicago. I would have sooooo many opportunities through the school, like going to other countries..getting internships and other such things. I would always be inspired and would always have someone to talk to about my art! Ugh I looooved it. The dorm rooms were INSANELY cool as well, they had a kitchen(minus oven for safety reasons) with full sized fridge and everything. A full bathroom. Two big closets (one for each person living in the room. duh) and a loft area where you could put a bed or whatever you want. Plus they have a giant studio in the building so I can work there too! Needless to say...it was awesome.
I just felt right at home, and I love the fact that it's not tooooo far from Ft. Wayne..so I could come home whenever I wanted/needed :) It was such a fun trip to go on. I'm so lucky that I have my mom, we bonded and had a blast. Getting lost trying to find the train station, exploring down town Chicago, taking pictures, people watching, eating great food, then running to catch the train back, listening to drunk people on the train, eating at the applebees and finally making it home. ALL IN ONE DAY. So much fun! :D I love my mom.

Dear Diary...

Hhmmm... Well the past couple weeks have been quite the emotional roller coaster for me. And because of this I want to just lay in my bed and cry my heart out. But I haven't and I think instead it's coming out as grumpy :( I've been snippy and short with people which is very unusual for me. Things that normally annoy me but I keep my mouth shut about seem to annoy me 54times more now and I'm def letting people know it. NOT GOOD. I honestly think that most of it is lack of sleep...I don't sleep very well lately and I've been crazy busy the past couple weeks, so sleep is rare. And anyone who knows me knows that there are two things I need to keep me happy, nice and myself.. food(haha) and sleep. I'm good on food..its the latter that is lacking in my life. This is no excuse to be mean to people, I know. But I'm hoping I can just get it all out on here and be done with it. Get out of this stupid funk and be myself again. GAH. (deep breath..and go)
I don't understand....
When people have something that they truly do not deserve and do not appreciate!! Especially when there are people like me who deserve it and would appreciate it like non other! Why is it that I pray and hope that I have just an ounce of what they have but I never get it?! uugh. What am I doing wrong? I'm losing faith and its depressing me. (No, not like emo, gonna kill myself depressed so don't freak out!!) I'm just... lonely. Very lonely :(
Why people make sarcastic & mean comments and then laugh after every single one of them as if they are funny. They aren't!! They are just immature and annoying. I can usually deal with this and not let it get to me so much. But seriously..come on! Enough is enough.
How people can be so judgmental when they are supposed to be the ones that accept anyone how they are. No matter what! How they can be so nosy and get all up in other people's business, but when it comes to their own life they would throw a huge fit if anyone knew or talked about anything!

STROLLERS. >:(

I need a change. I don't know for sure what kind of change yet..but I know I need something to change.
I'm worried. I'm always worried. I worry that I won't make it in Art and I can't do anything else. I'm worry that I won't be able to pay for college if I get to one that I love. I'm worried that I am gonna be alone as soon as fall hits. I'm worried that I am never going to connect with my little sister and we'll never be close. I'm worried that when my job ends in Oct. I'm not gonna be able to get another one for months and I'm gonna get in a financial hole. I'm worried that my hamster is going to die soon and I'm gonna cry..even though I don't really care about animals.
=\

I'm gonna go watch Legion and paint my nails. Strollers tomorrow. Then movie's with Bek and Dee!! :D (that will be fun!)

This has probably been the most depressing blog post ever. I'm sorry.
(I do feel better now though. Thanks for letting me vent)

Hmmmm......

So, it's been awhile since I've blogged :( I miss it...I've just been crazzy busy with work and other such things. But I really am going to try and blog more during the summer! I promise. Well..let's see...

Work has been going great! I'm loving my car! I just colored my hair last night for the first time in awhile! And I'm in serious pain from doing races with my family? Haha. Well I don't really have a whole lot to talk about..mostly because I don't really have a life anymore(not that I've really ever had one. Ha) because all I do is wake up, go to work, come home, eat and then crash until the next day where I do the same thing. And on my days off..I'm sleeping. Haha but I'm still finding time for my best friends(duh) but other then that...I NEED to start working on my portfolio...OH! Speaking of that..I finally got more info on that school in Chicago..my mom and I are gonna go visit sometime soon! That will also help me figure out what needs to go into my portfolio. So I kinda don't want to work to hard right now, only to find out it won't even be going in my portfolio..ya know? anyway...Imma go..i've gotta babysit. I'll blog again soon..I hope!

Interesting emontions and contagious moods...

...are what surround me right now. I don't understand why I let one teeny tiny little thing bring me down... something as small as the way someone looks at me. Ugh. I don't know, on one hand I am extremely excited because some great things that have been happening in my life!! And then on the other hand..I'm blah. Just random moods here and there. One minute up and the next down. Not to extremes of course, I hardly ever let them show. They are undetectable unless allow them to be seen. So I'm not bipolar or anything. Haha I can usually work through whatever it is that is bothering me in a short time..so it's hardly ever a big deal. But sometimes certain things just really get to me..and stick with me a little longer than usual. I also hate how someones crappy mood can change my mood. Not everyone's can do this..only some. But then again..I'm okay with people's good moods making me feel better. ...Okay. I'm done talking about this. Moving on....

I'm driving the kids to Indy this Friday and after that I'm staying the night at Michelles!! Yay!! :D I miss her oh so very much. It will be very nice to see her!! I can't wait!!

Today was Karina's 12th birthday! I think she had a good time:) ...Cooper's 16th birthday is tomorrow..so I'll be eating lots of birthday cake for the next few days haha. OhmYgOodnEsS!

I had to do stupid strollers yesterday. ALL day long. I loooove my job. But HATE strollers. People were so grumpy and mean to me, I mean they were just completely rude. gaah. But then H and I chilled till like 1am last night..so that was good! :] ...And poor H had to be strollers today :'( I know how it feels..so she has my sympathy! Weeell. I'm gonna go. I have about 27 mix CD's that I've had since I was like 12 so I'm gonna listen to all of them and write down what is on each of them. Hahah fuuuun night. Okaybye.

CarsLongTalksInParkingLots&Besties

Oh my goodness. I just have SO much to talk about. I don't know where to begin?! Okay, let's just start with the good.... Well..I'M FINALLY GETTING A CAR!!!!!! Ah. Yes! I can not wait!! It's a very long story..but in a nutshell..I would not be able to do this if it weren't for some very amazing people in my life. I'm so incredibly grateful..words can not even express! I'm going car hunting tomorrow! I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight...I'm just THAT excited. Like you don't even understand. I will most def be posting pics of my car when I get in. And I will have to come up with a name(that's a given). Tomorrow is basically going to be an awesome day! Car hunting..then hanging out with my bestie's (Iheartthem)

Today was a pretty much amazing day!
While I was at work today, I met a new co-worker.
Her name is Carly!
We were both doing cash and we totally got along right away!
And let me tell you.
We have SO much in common!!
It's just freaky.
Needless to say...we exchanged numbers.
Haha!
She's pretty cool!

And yesterday I got to spend most of the day with Alex! Which was nice because I haven't seen him in forever and I missed him much!! So all in all this week so far has been pretty amazing!! And this weekend is looking like its gonna be just as great! :]

Now. On to the not so good.
Well..there isn't really anything that has happened.
It's just..ugh.
You know those little tiny things that people say or do that just bug the crap out of you?
Well that's basically how I'm feeling.
I can't really tell you why I'm feeling this way..
well mostly because you'll think I'm crazy and childish.
But also because I don't really know how to put it into words.
I just hate these stupid little things that shouldn't bother me but for some reason..really do.
Goodness.
I'm being dumb.
Oh well..I'm still in a great mood because of my fantastic week! :]

Just a quick blog.

So...I'm just trying to pass the time because I don't have to leave for work

for another 15min.

Which I'm okay with, because I'd rather be early than late!

Hmmm....

So last night was fun!

Got to hang out with two of my best friends.

We watched a stupid scary movie.

YET AGAIN.

Haha! But I love it!

I work until close tonight...so it's going to be a long day!

But at least I get to do something other than monkeys for a change.

I've become very addicted to postsecret!

I'm totally buying all three of the books sooooooon.

I cry almost every time I read them.

I want to send one in and see if I ever see it again.

It kinds looks fun.

Haha.

OKAY.

Well...Imma go and get some water..then drive reeeally slow to work.

:]

BYE.