Ah, today was excellent. It's been awhile since I've had such a fun day, and been in such a great mood. Even though the day is over-because it is 3something AM. Haha. I'm beyond exhausted and I have basically the worst headache I've ever had, but nevertheless I am still happy. Today was just good. :)

I finished a project I was working on for awhile, and I'm quite happy with the result. And I've just been given another project that I can't wait to tackle-we'll see if this one turns out as good as the last one. Maybe it will even be better? Who knows!

Tomorrow is new years eve, 2010 is coming to an end, and while I can't say that I'm entirely sad to see it go, it is a little bit bitter-sweet. There were some really great times this past year, and some completely awful times-just like every other year, I guess. But I don't know, I can't quite put my finger on it, for some reason I feel like 2011 is just going to be my year! I have a new outlook on life, so many different doors I could open, if I so choose, or I could leave them shut and go a completely different route-maybe open a window? (haha) I don't know, I guess what I mean is that my life is wide open, sometimes that scares me-a lot, but even more than that-it excites me.

And now-to share with you my good mood, I will show you some pictures that make me smile&laugh. Hahaha I don't know why these make me so happy-they just do. :)

Let me just start off by saying, I am so happy. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, by my choice-and I couldn't be happier and more confident about my decision. Big things are happening in my life-yes, they may not be the "traditional" things that most people would expect, but come on, who am I kidding, I'm not a traditional person, at all! ..I like to surprise people, keep them guessing. People are going to judge me, going to think that I'm not doing anything with my life, that I'm wasting time and I don't know what I'm doing. But you know what-who are they to tell me I'm wrong?! If I'm happy, isn't that all that matters? I'm more than determined to not become one of those people that looks back on their life and wish they had actually lived, done what they loved-even if that meant not doing what was "normal" or "socially acceptable". From now on, I am going to embrace my life-live it to the fullest. Not care what people think. It's MY LIFE for goodness sake!! If I'm not happy living my own life, then what's the point?! I'm not here to please others...I would never be able to make everyone happy-So I'm not going to try-it's not their life I'm living...it's mine. Right now, no one can rain on my parade because I'm just so excited! Excited to live! I don't want to wake up 15 years from now hating where I am in life, but hating it most because I let myself get there. No, that will not be me! I won't let it. So let them judge, turn up their noses at me-I don't care! I love the life I'm living and no one can change that. I'm happy.

"I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
a whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins"

I found this song, 'Today My Life Begins' by Bruno Mars.

It's pretty much perfect.

I cry every time I listen to it,

because it just makes me so happy.

I could listen to it a hundred times and never get tired of it.

I think the reason I love the lyrics most is

because it can mean something completely

different to every single person.

Take a listen & enjoy.

:)

READ AND LEARN.

I love my pale, not orange skin! :)

Juuuuust sayin.

This^^ post secret kinda sums it up for me.

It is freaky how I'm feeling a certain way, but can't seem to find

the words to express myself,

then I stumble upon

the perfect

^^^post secrets.^^^

And it's like BAM!

That's how I'm feeling.

^^Just a fact about myself that I thought I'd share^^

The picture above could not be more accurate to how I am feeling. I only have a little over 3 weeks left to finish my portfolio and I am having the hardest time, ever. Inspiration is something that I am severely lacking, and that is not good when you're told that it all must be original thought. Don't get me wrong, I agree that my portfolio should be original, but that is way easier said than done! Why couldn't it be due in February? That would be way less stressful. I have so much crap going on right now-painting isn't the first thing on my mind.

I didn't sleep at all last night, I had the two WORST dreams, ever. And what makes it even worse is that I can remember both of them very clearly. Both included my two biggest fears and worries in life-which doesn't surprise me because they say that dreams are just your subcutaneous telling you stuff. They felt so real, it makes me not want to go to sleep tonight. Probably why I'm blogging instead. I should maybe do something productive, like write my stupid six page paper about the American flag for my English final. But I don't really feel like doing that, this is more fun.

I have just so much on my mind all the time-it never seems to end. My portfolio, money(or complete lack of) freakin ACT's, English class, not becoming Rory-because I know I'm stronger than that!, trying to figure out where the heck I am with God, family, holidays, portfolio, I am going to start working out soon-maybe. And so much other random crap here and there! Gah!

I just want to live! I want to seriously pack a bag and just go live, dance through the streets of an unknown town, eat food that I've never eaten, meet people I never thought I'd meet, have fun, fall in love, be carefree and adventurous, and just be happy. Maybe college isn't for me. Maybe this burning desire I have to just roam around the world, aimlessly(for a little while at least) is actually what I'm meant to do? I'm just guessing-I mean it's probably not. But what IF?!