The Tale of GumDrop & Chip.

A long long time ago, in a galaxy far away.... Haha naw, I'm just messin’. But my story does start about 18 years ago in a kingdom not close to Fort Wayne. Once upon a time there lived a king and queen; they were the rulers of a beautiful kingdom called Ringpopula. It was a magical kingdom filled with oversized gummy bears & giant ringpops. Trees made of cotton candy & bushes made of peeps. It was an amazing land and the king and queen couldn't be happier. But even though they had all of this they still felt like something was missing. So they decided to have a child. They were blessed with a gorgeous baby girl, they named her Princess GumDrop. She's the cousin of Princess Lolli(ya know, the one from CandyLand). Anyway, they couldn't have been happier with their daughter and to celebrate they had a party filled with treats. But during the festivities, the evil grape gummy man made his presence known. Without warning he snatched up baby princess GumDrop and vanished into the fog...(dun dun duuuun).


(18 years later) The Princess had grown up in a candy cave just off the coast of Mint Mountain. There she stayed, locked away, not knowing her true purpose in life. The Evil Grape Gummy Man had her convinced her that she was his daughter and was not worthy of anything in the land. Sad and alone, she sat there in the cave on her 19th birthday, just knowing that there was something more she was supposed to be doing with her life. Little did she know she had a whole kingdom of her own.

Back in Ringpopula the King and Queen never stopped looking for their Princess. They searched for years and years but without and luck. They had just about lost hope when they got a knock on the door. Who could it be you wonder? Well it was none other than the con-man, Chocolate Chip. He was known throughout the land for breaking promises. He had come to make a deal with the King. He said that he would go and find the Princess for them, free of charge as long as they cleared his name of any wrong doings. Little did they know he had another trick up his sleeve. His real plan was to find the Princess, and ransom her for tons of Chocolate coins. *for shaaaame*


Back in the cave, the Princess was panning her escape. It was late a night, she was climbing out her window when suddenly she saw a strange figure in the shadows. Scared, thinking it was EGGM, she hid. But the figure kept creeping closer. Once she realized it wasn't the EGGM, she came out of hiding. Curious as to who had found her she shouted, who are you?! To which the Chocolate Chip replied, I am here to rescue you! Just send down your gummy rope and I'll help you down from the cave. A little unsure at first, the Princess just stood there. But after about five minutes of Chips smooth talking, she sent down her rope.


Finally out of the cave, for the first time in 18 years, the Princess took it all in. She couldn't believe her eyes! She's never seen such a beautiful place. Beyond excited that she had just been rescued, she tackled Chip in a hug. After that slightly awkward, but adorable moment, they set off! Curious as to why the Chip had rescued her, she started asking questions. But since he did not want her to know she was a Princess, for fear of that ruining his master plan, he lied. Blinded her by swooning her, Told her that he heard her singing and wanted to rescue the girl with the amazing voice. *LIAR!*


It would be a three day journey to the Kingdom but it wouldn't be easy. They had to go through the Gooy Goop Gump, Mud Slide Hill & Nasty Nougat Nation. Each horrible in their own way. (side note, I feel like this story is a mix between Princess Bride and Tangled. Haha). Day one of their journey brought them to Mud Slide Hill. Scared, because she had never seen such a thing, the Princess hid behind Chip. They slowing crept toward the Hill, unsure of what was in store. Climbing up the Hill, they started feeling like they were sinking. Looking down they realized that their feet were covered in goopy chocolate mud. (sorta like quick sand). Sinking faster and faster the Princess started to cry, and chip starting to scream like a girl. Until suddenly a gaint gummy worm came up from the mud, so they grab onto him. Within seconds they were pulled to safety. Tired from an extremely eventful day, GumDrop decided to make camp, around the campfire, she and Chip started talking, giggling and getting to know each other other. Unknowing, falling in love.

By the next morning they were ready to take on a new day. Any challenge that came there way, they were ready for it! So onward they went, hours and hours went by of just walking and talking, talking and walking. Chip was getting annoyed with GumDrop, GrumDrop was getting annoyed with Chip. So they would fight. Then say sorry, make up, laugh and then fight again. Like an old married couple. But before night fall they had made it to Nasty Nougat Nation. An entire nation filled with mean grumpy nougat men, women and children. They got the gate keep to allow them to come in, since there was no way around the nation, they had to go through it. Once inside they realized they were in a place of grump. No one was smiling, no one was joking. There were no bright colors everything was dull, brown, grey and puke green. There weren't any gummy flowers, peep bushes or cotton candy trees. This made GumDrop very sad. She knew she couldn't leave until she made the nougat people smile and enjoy the colorful world they could have.

In an effort to show the nougat people how amazing their world would be, if only let some happiness and color into it, she started singing. For the first two minutes or so, all the people just looked at her. Some started laughing, others were very confused. But then one little girl started to sing along. Then before you knew it, everyone had joined in. Everyone that is, except Chip. He did not partake in the musical activities. Until everyone started dancing and having fun(it was basically a scene from Aladdin or High school Musical. haha). Once the dancing had begun, Chip started to slowing walk away, but Gumdrop pulled him in and they dance together for hours. Laughing and dancing and singing. Once Gumdrop had shown everyone in Nougat Nation the happiness they had been missing, Chip started to see something in her that he had not noticed before. She had a special light about her, something the people were drawn to. Her personality was just sweet, warm and caring. He couldn't help but fall in love with her in that moment.

Now having feelings for Gumdrop, Chip is starting to feel bad about his master plan to ransom her. He knew that if he wanted to be with GumDrop forever he'd have to tell her the truth. But doing so might make her mad, and she might not want to be with him. That was a chance he was going to have to take. He planned to tell her everything. Who she really was, why he really rescued her who EGGM was. Which up until this point, they have totally forgotten about him. As they're on their way out of Nougat Nation, GumDrop hears someone calling her name. It was him! EGGM. He had found them. So Chip grabs GumDrops hand and they take off running. No idea where they're doing, just trying to escape EGGMs grasp. They finally lose him but come up to something even worse. Gooey Goopy Gump. A Gump of nothing goo, giant mean gummy bears and goop puddles. They hide under a candy mushroom but are soon spotted by a gummy bear. The gummy bear grabs GumDrop and takes her to a goop puddle. Holding her over the puddle, threatening to toss her in if Chip doesn't give the bear some of the ransom money for the princess. Shocked by what she is hearing, GumDrop uses all her strength to get away from the bear and chip. Hiding in a peep bush, crying, she realized who she is and that Chip had been lying to her. She was heartbroken. But deiced to she needed to make the rest of the journey on her own.

Alone and tired she was trucking on, through the marshmallow paths, twizzler vines and jaw breaker boulders. She just couldn't believe how nieve she was in thinking that Chip was being truthful. She feels stupid for ever trusting him. Now that she knows who she is, she knows she needs to find her Kingdom and get back to her parents. But who could help her? She had no idea where she was. Alone the way she meets a sour patch kid named Harrold. At first he was a little standoff-ish, because you know, first they're sour..then they're sweet. But after about an hour of talking, they became friends. She asked if he knew the way to the Kingdom and he did. So they set off together. She's still a little bit unsure about who to trust, but she really had to choice, she'd have to trust her new friend. The only worry now that that EGGM would find them alone the way, so they kept their eyes peeled.


There good luck was too good to be true, soon enough EGM caught up with them. Chasing them down with a twizzler rope, he bound both of them and put them in a mallomar cave. They tried to fight their way out and when that didn't work they tried to talk their way out. Nothing worked, the EGGM wouldn't budge. He was just too evil. They have given up hope of ever making it to the Kingdom and GumDrop was sure she'd never see her parents again. But then, of nowhere she sees a strange figure. This seems all too familiar to her, she knows who it is. Chip! He came back to save her. Realizing that his love for her is greater than any amount of money, he had to save. He didn't know if it would win her back, but he didn't care. He just wanted to her to be happy and see her parents again. Seeing her happy, but make him happy. So he gets EGGM, ties him up(it was more exciting in person than it sounds). They are finally free! No more goo gumps, grumps or Chocolate puddles and definitely no more EGGM. And then GumDrop sees it, the Kingdom. On a hill about 20miles away. They were so close!

Finally they make it to the front gate. Scared about seeing her parents for the first time in 18 years, GumDrop just stands there. But finally musters up the courage to go in. She walks into the castle, seeing her mom there for the first time, looking beautiful. She runs up to hug her, crying. Then her Dad comes around the corner. There they all are in a big group hug. GrumDrop had completely forgotten that Chip was still standing at the doorway until her parents asked where she was and how she had escaped. She told them everything that had happened with Chip, the gumps, the bears and everything. Unsure what their reaction would be, the King walked over to Chip, raised his arms and gave him a hug, thanking him for not going against his word, rescuing the Princess and bringing her back. Chip then walked over to GumDrop, confessed his love for her and promised never to lie or leave her again!

They lived happily ever after<3

Love.

[Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense, I just needed to vent]
I’ve never said “I love you”, in a romantic sense, to anyone. Not because I can’t or don’t want to. That is certainly not it at all. It’s just that to me, those three little words carry such weight, they are so impactful, and people these days don’t seem to remember that. They just toss these words out to anyone they maybe “dating” or “talking to”. They don’t understand the true meaning of those words.
There is a difference between “being in love” & “love someone” that I feel is much too often misunderstood. But they go hand-in-hand. When you ‘fall in love’ that is an emotion, emotions fade. Like any other emotion, they usually only last a little while. It’s that beginning of a relationship stage, the butterflies and fireworks. But then when that all starts to fade(and it could take years) - but when it does happen, people say Oh, well we just fell out of love. No, that is not what happened, you just thought that the emotion of ‘being in love’ would last forever. You didn’t realize that love is a choice.
When you say “I love you” to someone, you’re not just saying that you have extremely strong feelings for that person, you’re saying that even when the ‘butterflies’ and ‘fireworks’ aren’t there anymore, you’re going to love them anyway, you’re going to be there for them no matter what. Even when they annoy you, even when they make you angry beyond belief. You made them that promise.
To “love” someone is a choice. You choose to love someone no matter what. Yes, you’re going to get mad, have fights, be suuuper annoyed. Even when they might not look as good, even after 50 years. EVEN when it seems like you know each other ‘to well’ or ‘are bored’. You still choose to love that person because you know that everyone has faults, even you. And since you’re not perfect, and that person is choosing to love you, then why wouldn’t you choose to do the same for them?
These two go hand-in-hand because you do have to have the emotion of love, the butterflies and such. That’s called attraction. But after that all fades, then there’s the choice, the choice that you have to make to love that person unconditionally and without expecting anything in return.
This is why love is not something I take lightly. Because when I do give my heart away, I want it to be with someone who wants to choose me. Someone who isn’t going to hesitate, or have to think about it. Someone who knows right away, that I am the one they are meant to be with, even though I’m not perfect. And when I do find that guy, I’m going to give him my whole heart and absolutely nothing less, because I have so much to give and I can’t wait to share my love with that person.<3

SNOWPOCALYPSE 2011

Haha okay I'm jumping on this bandwagon. Twitter is BLOWING UP about the "snowpocalypse" that is starting tonight. I just keep laughing at what people are saying, it's so funny. But in preparation of this storm I went to the store and got my supplies, a bag of mints, a bag of sunflower seeds, air heads, powerade, snapple and ringpops. Then I went to the library and got some new reading material. Pretty much everything I could possibly need over the next couple of days. Now I'm about to take a shower (just in case the pipes freeze or whatever and I wouldn't be able to tomorrow), then I have big plans to make my bed super cozy, get my snacks, books, laptop, movies and socks. Curl up and do absolutely nothing productive all night, sleep in tomorrow and stay warm. After I finish blogging, of course. What a lovely plan, I think.

I need to run through my thoughts:

February is going to go so slow, I can just feel it.

March is going to be busy. But not just busy, nerve racking. I'm going to be anxious until the interview is over and done with. I'm hoping it ends with good news, but I'm trying to not to get my hopes up to awfully high. I'm just praying that it does good!

April, May, and part of June, assuming the interview goes good, are going to be the longest months ever! But in very same way, they're going to go by way way to fast. They're also going to be hard months, but well worth it. Gah, okay I've got to stop thinking about these months or I'm gonna start crying now. Tears of happiness and tears of sadness. But not now!

But every month after that will be the beginning of my adventure, and I can't wait!!

It's so amazing to me how things just fall into place, even if it doesn't turn out how I'm hoping it does, I can tell that something is happening-something amazing, and I will embrace whatever it turns out to be. I just love looking back and seeing things that didn't happen, that I thought should've. But if they had then I wouldn't be where I am now-which is better than where I would've been had what I wanted to happen, happened. Haha if that makes any sense. God is just so good, he sees things that I just don't. And even though he shows me that time and time again, I sometimes still tend to forget, but I always seem to come to that realization again. It's just nice to be reminded of that fact, it makes me feel...comfortable. More comfortable than I have in a long time, I've never made such a big decision that felt so, right. Even if I don't end up going where I think I'm going, I still feel like it's the right decision because either way I feel it's going to lead me to the place I need to be. Where ever that may be.

I just can't wait for the next phase of my life to begin! I'm just so excited to see what all happens over the next few months. It's going to be quite the journey, but one that I'm anxious to take. ...phew. I guess with every big snow storm comes a big blog. haha Who would'a thunk it.

The sun is calling me to the west...

Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, sorry. I just had to get that out of my system. *Breath, Kirstin*

I'm just so excited about life right now! But I don't want to jinx it by talking about it too soon, or too much. But I just can't help myself, so I will try and keep this short. haha

The past couple of months have been an intense roller coaster for me, when it comes to where my life is going. So many questions about life, What do I go to college for? Where do I go to college? Do I even want to go to college? All of these questions have slowly but surely been answering themselves, one by one. (With prayer, of course).

I've finally figured out what I honestly and surely want to do with my life. I've never felt so confident about a decision in my entire life. I'm going to become a make-up artist! There are colleges all over the country that I'm looking into, but there is one that is sticking out. (I'd tell you which one, but I'm gonna wait until it's for sure that I'm going to apply there). Just know that I've never been more excited and confident about something in my entire life! And everything that led up to this decision just adds to my confidence that this is what I'm supposed to do. I also really believe that this is a God thing. I've been praying for guidance and clarity for months and I feel like the fog is clearing and I'm starting to see the answers. Again, I'm SO excited!!


I'm so motivated right now, I just want to get the ball rolling and start this process! Not only do I feel good about this decision, but the people in my life whose opinions matter the most to me, also feel good about it! That just makes me even more confident, and sure that this is the direction I'm supposed to go in. But we'll just have to wait and see what happens, I guess. But don't worry, I'll keep you up to date. :)

Today has not been good. But tomorrow is a new day.(said in the voice of a super hero, i don't know why) It is also Saturday! Which means, sleeeep. haha I'm so lame. But it's whatever. I'm sick-ish. So I've been laying in bed all day, watching The Big Bang Theory(suuuper hilarious show). I did however get out for a bit to go to the bank and then get the oil changed in my car-and I went there all by myself. I felt like such a grown up. haha! But anywhay.... I think I'm gonna trot on over to the local Wal-Mart and see what that has in store for me! :)

Well...I've been happier.

I hate how I can be really happy and in a good mood...then BAM, I see or hear something that makes me just..blah. It shouldn't work like that-people shouldn't be able to just bring me down and put me in a mood so easily. So why do I let it happen? I don't know. I'm working on not letting other people effect me so much, and I think I'm getting better at it. Tonight just isn't good. But tomorrow is a new day! With new people, new ideas and new beginnings. Sometimes though, I wish I could just curl up in my bed and hide for days. Not talk to anyone, not see anyone or even think about anyone. But only sometimes! I like the life I live and the people it in. ...well, most of the people-haha. I'm usually pretty happy, I like to smile and make people smile. But you can't make other people smile when you yourself aren't smiling and happy...I don't like feeling like this.

I MEAN, It's 2011 & I am now 18.

All of these are things I enjoy...

That I say "I mean" completely inappropriately before sentences, because of Heather. Singing songs from musicals. Unicorns and narwhals. Cleaning when I'm stressed. The smell of books and magazines. The show Dexter. Tye dye shirts. My "Wreck This Journal". When Casey & Camden call me "Sissy" and never Kirstin. Long talks with friends. Going to Church & singing. Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino from Starbucks. Shopping for clothes alone. Smiling at strangers. Trying new food. Driving aimlessly at night. My mom's hugs. Eating sunflower seeds. Singing at the top of my lungs and dancing around all goofy with friends. Having a bunch of random pillows and stuffed animals on my bed. Painting my nails. Doing other people's hair and make-up. Dancing around my house when I'm home alone. Spending time with Cooper. When I see people picking their nose while driving. Shopping at the GoodWill. People watching at Cedar Point. Peacock feathers. Chicago. Sweat pants. Sitting in Gail's room, watching random movies and laughing about nothing. Crayons. Flowers. Twitter. Reading other blogs. Searching Flickr for cool and artsy pictures. Laughing so hard it hurts, and even sometimes crying. Listening to the songs my best friend wrote. Making new friends. Sleeping all day, especially when it's raining. Hats with poms on the top. Bowling, even though I suck at it. Fanny Packs and wearing them in public. Bruno Mars. Quoting Gilmore Girls in everyday conversations. Playing silent football, but only when Nathan is the game master. Finding jeans that fit perfectly. Rave hairspray. Facebook stalking. Saving all my Birthday and Christmas cards. Collecting my movie ticket stubs. Being cold. Those amazing sports bras that Bekka showed me that I can only find at Target. Making lists. Changing my hair with the seasons. Thunder storms and snow storms. Purses. Watching people while they watch a movie for the first time. Cleaning out not only my car, but other people's as well. Praying. Rapping to my rap songs. Thinking about what I would do if I had my own planet. Learning new things. Spring cleaning. Xaaanaduuuu. My Aunt Lee Ann's cheese ball and dirt pudding. Having friends I can trust & count on. Being a friend that someone can trust & count on. Making people smile.

All of these are things I do not enjoy...

Wearing the color yellow. Most Will Ferrell movies. Knives. Drinking milk. Most Radio DJ's(not Chris Cruise, of course). Being stressed. Not knowing. Having nightmares. The song "Pants on the Ground". Poking my eye with my eyeliner. Waking up early. When my feet smell. Small sunglasses. Touching Grass. Taylor Swift. Indianapolis. Being hot. Having bad hair days. Being alone.

Ah, today was excellent. It's been awhile since I've had such a fun day, and been in such a great mood. Even though the day is over-because it is 3something AM. Haha. I'm beyond exhausted and I have basically the worst headache I've ever had, but nevertheless I am still happy. Today was just good. :)

I finished a project I was working on for awhile, and I'm quite happy with the result. And I've just been given another project that I can't wait to tackle-we'll see if this one turns out as good as the last one. Maybe it will even be better? Who knows!

Tomorrow is new years eve, 2010 is coming to an end, and while I can't say that I'm entirely sad to see it go, it is a little bit bitter-sweet. There were some really great times this past year, and some completely awful times-just like every other year, I guess. But I don't know, I can't quite put my finger on it, for some reason I feel like 2011 is just going to be my year! I have a new outlook on life, so many different doors I could open, if I so choose, or I could leave them shut and go a completely different route-maybe open a window? (haha) I don't know, I guess what I mean is that my life is wide open, sometimes that scares me-a lot, but even more than that-it excites me.

And now-to share with you my good mood, I will show you some pictures that make me smile&laugh. Hahaha I don't know why these make me so happy-they just do. :)

Let me just start off by saying, I am so happy. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, by my choice-and I couldn't be happier and more confident about my decision. Big things are happening in my life-yes, they may not be the "traditional" things that most people would expect, but come on, who am I kidding, I'm not a traditional person, at all! ..I like to surprise people, keep them guessing. People are going to judge me, going to think that I'm not doing anything with my life, that I'm wasting time and I don't know what I'm doing. But you know what-who are they to tell me I'm wrong?! If I'm happy, isn't that all that matters? I'm more than determined to not become one of those people that looks back on their life and wish they had actually lived, done what they loved-even if that meant not doing what was "normal" or "socially acceptable". From now on, I am going to embrace my life-live it to the fullest. Not care what people think. It's MY LIFE for goodness sake!! If I'm not happy living my own life, then what's the point?! I'm not here to please others...I would never be able to make everyone happy-So I'm not going to try-it's not their life I'm living...it's mine. Right now, no one can rain on my parade because I'm just so excited! Excited to live! I don't want to wake up 15 years from now hating where I am in life, but hating it most because I let myself get there. No, that will not be me! I won't let it. So let them judge, turn up their noses at me-I don't care! I love the life I'm living and no one can change that. I'm happy.

"I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
a whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins"

I found this song, 'Today My Life Begins' by Bruno Mars.

It's pretty much perfect.

I cry every time I listen to it,

because it just makes me so happy.

I could listen to it a hundred times and never get tired of it.

I think the reason I love the lyrics most is

because it can mean something completely

different to every single person.

Take a listen & enjoy.

:)

READ AND LEARN.

I love my pale, not orange skin! :)

Juuuuust sayin.

This^^ post secret kinda sums it up for me.

It is freaky how I'm feeling a certain way, but can't seem to find

the words to express myself,

then I stumble upon

the perfect

^^^post secrets.^^^

And it's like BAM!

That's how I'm feeling.

^^Just a fact about myself that I thought I'd share^^

The picture above could not be more accurate to how I am feeling. I only have a little over 3 weeks left to finish my portfolio and I am having the hardest time, ever. Inspiration is something that I am severely lacking, and that is not good when you're told that it all must be original thought. Don't get me wrong, I agree that my portfolio should be original, but that is way easier said than done! Why couldn't it be due in February? That would be way less stressful. I have so much crap going on right now-painting isn't the first thing on my mind.

I didn't sleep at all last night, I had the two WORST dreams, ever. And what makes it even worse is that I can remember both of them very clearly. Both included my two biggest fears and worries in life-which doesn't surprise me because they say that dreams are just your subcutaneous telling you stuff. They felt so real, it makes me not want to go to sleep tonight. Probably why I'm blogging instead. I should maybe do something productive, like write my stupid six page paper about the American flag for my English final. But I don't really feel like doing that, this is more fun.

I have just so much on my mind all the time-it never seems to end. My portfolio, money(or complete lack of) freakin ACT's, English class, not becoming Rory-because I know I'm stronger than that!, trying to figure out where the heck I am with God, family, holidays, portfolio, I am going to start working out soon-maybe. And so much other random crap here and there! Gah!

I just want to live! I want to seriously pack a bag and just go live, dance through the streets of an unknown town, eat food that I've never eaten, meet people I never thought I'd meet, have fun, fall in love, be carefree and adventurous, and just be happy. Maybe college isn't for me. Maybe this burning desire I have to just roam around the world, aimlessly(for a little while at least) is actually what I'm meant to do? I'm just guessing-I mean it's probably not. But what IF?!

This is my apology blog...

...I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I've not been the greatest friend lately. I'm sorry that I can't seem to figure out how to handle this. I'm sorry that I really and truly don't even know what "this" is. I'm sorry that I say things and then do the opposite. I'm really working hard to change that about myself. I'm sorry that I'm not myself right now. I'm sorry that I know I'm not myself and I'm sorry that I don't know how to change it. I'm sorry that It's getting harder and harder for me to share my feelings and be open about anything. I'm sorry that I keep thinking about the past and letting it decide my future. I'm sorry that I have so much to be sorry about.

I know I have a good life, no, actually, I have a great life. And for that I am so grateful. So what's wrong with me you ask? To be honest I'm not sure. But don't worry...I'll let you know when I figure it out. Until then...try and put up with me. If you can't, I'll understand. Just know that I love my best friends and family to death. And I don't just say that lightly-I would do anything for each and every one of you... and I want you to know that I may not be myself at the moment..but I'm a strong girl, and I'm overcome harder times. This isn't any different... just be patient with me. Without you guys I wouldn't have the great life that I do, and I thank God for all of you every single day.

I love you.

I will not become Rory! I won't let that happen. But yet, here I am...

Ugh.

---I got some super cute gloves at the Target.

I'm very happy about it.

Now all I need is a new coat and a scarf. And maybe some cute boots.

Hhmm..Hot Rod, yeah..I'm totes watching that later.

That'll cheer me up.

Blah.

I think something is wrong with me, I've had the worst appetite lately.

Like for real, I don't feel like eating anything.

I try-but then I just feel sick.

I'm just not hungry and nothing sounds good.

NOT EVEN CANDY :O

I think I'll go to bed.

As I sit here in my English class and pretend to write this paper-I've come to realize that about 40% of me has another dream, a dream to just drop everything after I graduate, pack a bag and take a train somewhere. Leave my cell phone behind. Make money selling paintings on the road, sleep in hostels, live cheap. Travel the world, take a camera and just live. Live without worrying about tomorrow, no stress, just loving the world around me. Explore new cultures and meet new people. That is my 40% dream, someday I hope to fulfill that dream. Maybe I'll even find someone else that has the same dream and wants to go with me. But all I keep asking myself is ..What am I waiting for? Honestly, what?

PostSecret....basically describes my life on a daily basis. This one in particular, because its true, in a myriad of different ways. Today I felt more alone then I have in a very long time, it hit me like a ton of bricks while awkwardly standing in a room full of people listening to a bands that I've never heard of. (one guy was actually good, I bought his cd. That's beside the point)..I felt like I was in a fog, I blocked everyone out, all the noise and just sat there. Alone and thinking...for me that is not good. I try and keep myself busy all the time to distract me from things that I don't want to think about, but sometimes I just can't help it. I'm so ...blah... not my bubbly, funny, sweet self....just kinda ...blah. I know I will snap out of it soon, so I'm not worried. Just annoyed, tired and lonely. Please don't take this as a "feel sorry for me" post, because that is far from what is it. It's just me, expressing(or trying to express) what is going with me each day(or week, or month).

Okay, now that I've successfully blogged 3 times, looked through tons of postsecrets, facebook stalked, watched a show about zombies, read failbook & lamebook, and google earthed my own house, I think it's time I try and sleep.

Goognight, all.

I have until January 4th to get this done.

I can do, I have to do it!

I believe in myself...

and that's all that matters.

California!

Well, California was basically amazing. It was so great to finally be able to see my best friend again. I know it had only been a little over five weeks..but that is just tooooo long to go without seeing your bestie. haha. ...Every in LA is soooo different than anything in good ol' Fort Wayne. The people, the buildings, the food, the roads and just..everything! It was a lot to take it at first, but after the shock kind of faded, it was really cool! Very interesting, it definitely keeps you on your toes. But all in all, I liked it!

Pinks has amazing fries and cheese dip, diddy riese was so yummy, going to a movie and sitting next to a drugie gets you free movie tickets. Catfish was a great movie, even better because it was free. Some moments consisted of writing/recording raps and watching The Office, Hey Arnold and a bunch of random thriller movies. Santa Monica Beach was absolutely gorgeous! Probably one of my favorite things we did while I was there was go to that beach. The weather was perfect, I was having a good hair day and we had two cameras. It was just a good day! We also found SARKU JAPAN..in the most amazing mall I've seriously ever been in. It was half inside, half outside. I don't know how else to explain it, but I still want to know what they do when it rains! haha.

Walking on Hollywood Blvd. was super cool! It's like a whole different world over there, I felt kind of out of place..but it's all good. I had such a great week, I wish I could go back now!

Phoenix

So, here I sit, alone in the Phoenix airport. Everyone seems to know what they're doing, where they're going and such...and I'm just waiting for the board to tell me what gate I need to go to. I'm just sitting here aimlessly watching all the people pass by. The flight to Phoenix was pretty cool, I didn't have to sit by any annoying people. Phew! Just a mother and her son(he was pretty attractive. we listened to my pod. haha) so that made the 3 hour flight pretty nice. Taking off was a wee bit scary, but not to bad. I'm beyond tired though, been up since 2:30am. I'm just ready to be in California with my best fraaand! Whelp. I'mma go explore and see if I can find out what gate I need to be at. Bye!

I'm very organized...

Things To Do:

(B4 I leave)

1. Clean out car.
2. English crap.
3. Text dad.
4. Buy earrings.
5. Nails.
6. Pack.
7. Make bed.
8. Charge camera.
9. Clean out purse.
10. Buy a backpack.

Things To Pack:

1. Shirts(11)
2. Pants(6)
3. Shorts(4)
4. Shoes(2-3)
5. Socks
6. Bras(4)
7. underwear
8. Jackets(2)
9. PJ's
10. Phone Charger
11. iPod
12. Books(2)
13. Meds
14. Toothbrush
15. Blow dryer
16. Straightener
17. Face wash
18. Make-up remover
19. Make-up
20. Small pillow
21. Camera
22. Movies?
23. English crap(leave in car at dads.)
24. Hair brush
25. Sunscreen
26. Costume
27. Don't forget: Tickets, Money, Wallet and Phone!

Things To Buy In California:

1. Conditioner
2. Shampoo
3. Razors (disposable)
4. Food